Omg, the mental health sticker feels like such a pointed sticker to offer, I love it. I, too, am very guilty of putting my foot down over stupid stuff, usually also along the lines of not doing something I could very easily do, which would be completely harmless and probably save us both some heartache. And I always feel terrible after. I'd say why do we do it, but I know why - because it's really hard to always be meeting someone else's needs and to feel like our own are being ignored (our own needs being, at times, to not play the same game again for the hundredth time). You are doing great, and that's why people say it, but sometimes we are doing great at fixing something we've just been really shitty about, which sort of cancels out the greatness, you know?
You're so right, the reason we do it is because we're frustrated by our own unmet needs and we're releasing the wrong pressure valve - getting frustrated with a some parenting issue that doesn't need to be turned into a big deal. Lately, I have been finding some success with pausing to ask myself "what am I trying to win?" Often, the thing I want (for my kid to do X or Y) is not achievable by putting my foot down anyway, so if I'm able to remind myself of that fact, I can change tracks. Yesterday (in the change room after swim class, where I apparently spend a lot of time snooping on other parents) a mom was trying to get her toddler to leave. The toddler was running around laughing and screaming "you can't catch me, mommy!" and the mom was standing by the door, frustratedly saying "it's time to go." It took her forever to get her toddler to pay attention, and I kept wondering how much quicker it would have been if she'd just chased her around the change room once and then chased her right out the door and toward home! But, of course, these things are so much easier to observe in others than in ourselves.
Ah yes, I think I've been the mum on both sides of that situation! In hindsight I always know it would have been easier to just go along with whatever was happening, but I'm not always the best at doing so in the moment!
Omg, the mental health sticker feels like such a pointed sticker to offer, I love it. I, too, am very guilty of putting my foot down over stupid stuff, usually also along the lines of not doing something I could very easily do, which would be completely harmless and probably save us both some heartache. And I always feel terrible after. I'd say why do we do it, but I know why - because it's really hard to always be meeting someone else's needs and to feel like our own are being ignored (our own needs being, at times, to not play the same game again for the hundredth time). You are doing great, and that's why people say it, but sometimes we are doing great at fixing something we've just been really shitty about, which sort of cancels out the greatness, you know?
You're so right, the reason we do it is because we're frustrated by our own unmet needs and we're releasing the wrong pressure valve - getting frustrated with a some parenting issue that doesn't need to be turned into a big deal. Lately, I have been finding some success with pausing to ask myself "what am I trying to win?" Often, the thing I want (for my kid to do X or Y) is not achievable by putting my foot down anyway, so if I'm able to remind myself of that fact, I can change tracks. Yesterday (in the change room after swim class, where I apparently spend a lot of time snooping on other parents) a mom was trying to get her toddler to leave. The toddler was running around laughing and screaming "you can't catch me, mommy!" and the mom was standing by the door, frustratedly saying "it's time to go." It took her forever to get her toddler to pay attention, and I kept wondering how much quicker it would have been if she'd just chased her around the change room once and then chased her right out the door and toward home! But, of course, these things are so much easier to observe in others than in ourselves.
Ah yes, I think I've been the mum on both sides of that situation! In hindsight I always know it would have been easier to just go along with whatever was happening, but I'm not always the best at doing so in the moment!
One million percent the same!!